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an ode to our doorman

17 Apr


an ode to everyone’s favourite doorman:

the sober witness
precise, attentive, passionate,
yet shockingly poor drunk-dar
armed with an endless flow of water bottles
a water bottle and a warning
to the soberest of the bunch
while her friend blacks out
and vomits, ever discreetly

it’s just a bit of drugs
why so offended?
“i don’t even want to give him water!”
but what good are you, what good are any of us
if your water bottles run dry?


That’s What She Said

5 Jul


“I napped all night”

…Wildcards don’t sleep bro.

Always one eye open, ready to get reckless.

(Just try not to fall on your head anymore, it scares me a little.)


Stay dangerous,

scaring kids since '88

scaring kids since ’88

Wine Winter

24 Jan

We’re going to slow it on down this winter. Polar Vortexes and Ice Storms are no time for excessive drinking!

So we’ve settled on a plan.  Wine only this winter, and stay away from the bars.

But as the season goes on some of us become creative with our interpretations. Which begs the question,

Is it within the rules to drink a magnum to the face?



There are many more questions magnum consumption-related behaviour calls to the fore, to which answers may remain ever elusive.  How do *I* keep ending up in the hospital when other people can’t even keep their shoes on their feet while they’re walking? Is there anything *actually* inappropriate about drinking in public? Is it okay to swear at crying babies if they’re messing up your buzz?  

Whuteverrr …


19 Nov

Caralyn has an ongoing dilemma about covering her neked toes on her leg with the cast on it. In order to ease the pain/swelling she often elevates her leg up on to a chair… this also means that whoever’s sitting with her gets the privilege to sit next to a foot. Now, here’s the dilemma. Which is more appropriate? Leaving her toes out or covering it with a sock? She seems to think it looks mighty ghetto with a sock and it’s not quite the same as leaving your toes out in sandals, because they tend to stare her mates in the face. Seeing that I am a genius expert in fashion (not), especially when it comes to socks (haha…I am. Seriously), I advised her it’s not as sketchy if she covers her toes with socks that aren’t pilling and balling as much. Cq: “Which one of my socks are the ballingest?!?!!?”. We had a good laugh. That’s when these “ellestrations” came to be! Cq, I say we stick to making a Papier Mâché toe cap! Oh!!! And insulate it so your toes stay cozy! Craft time : )

ImageImageGuess it’s the stripey guys. Stripes always win. Why did I even bother to ask?