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an ode to our doorman

17 Apr

doorman

an ode to everyone’s favourite doorman:

the sober witness
precise, attentive, passionate,
yet shockingly poor drunk-dar
armed with an endless flow of water bottles
—-
a water bottle and a warning
to the soberest of the bunch
while her friend blacks out
and vomits, ever discreetly

it’s just a bit of drugs
why so offended?
“i don’t even want to give him water!”
but what good are you, what good are any of us
if your water bottles run dry?

How We Livin’

19 Mar

Well gosh darn. Here we are a month out from the last post. I have a pretty good excuse – I spent a week of that month partaking in dubious Mardis Gras related activities in New Orleans, including getting dangerously close to getting my feet run over by large slow moving vehicles (some of us never learnwhile begging for ‘throws,’ accepting rides from a strangers of questionable sobriety, roaming the streets of the french quarter in the early morning with a granny cart full of beer, and watching marathons of True Detective alone at 4am.

bitch you don't know my life

bitch you don’t know my life

Ellen’s excuse is something lame like school or whateverrr.

Oh ya, we’ve also been really busy wearing animal onesies. It takes a lot of time and commitment to harness the energy invoked when donning this fine piece of attire. We’ll get back to you when our arduous work in this regard is done. Til then… work yo back!

carellyn-je

14 Feb

So Carellyn has no sisters by birth… we got bros. Bro.

But for all intensive purposes we are blessed to have FOUR sisters! They ie. the 4 Jinjes are all real sisters so we just slip into that pack discreetly. They don’t have anyone born in ’85 anyway so I guess we can’t be completely ruled out as the real deal… though the asian/white/black differentials do speak strongly in protest. IN ANY CASE! From here on out the sisterhood shall be referred to as Carellynje.

jinjes

jinjes everywhere i go

One of Carellynje is getting married tomorrow! Tomorrow!!!! So today the gang went for some minor pampering in the form of manicures.

Ellen and I did some gluten-free baking last night so we could bring some goodies to the session. We baked Apple Muffins using Rice Flour and gluten-free brownies from a recipe on the internet that never actually set even though we cooked them for a good 15 minutes over time. The moral of the story is that nothing that makes your body function properly is easy to make or tastes good.

After the pamper sesh we set out to find elements of our wedding outfits, because it was only the day before. On the way we saw these two shops which really affirmed that our quest was true.

c squared elle hardware

c squared and elle hard on the grind

I was in need of a dress and basically everything and Ellen was in need of shoes. Window shopping on Queen St. was fairly unsuccessful until we fought our intense hunger which was borderline hanger and trekked on to French Connection, an establishment which neither of us have ventured toward since high school. Which is an embarrassingly long time ago. Speaking further to the importance of this quest, I found the following item…

neigh neigh (look closely)

neigh neigh (look closely)

LOOK CLOSELY. and welcome to the year, of the horse, bitch.

prints of dreams

prints of dreams

I have been waiting for this year for a while now and my impatience has been clearly manifest (Ellen’s too). Destiny is upon us!

Wine Winter

24 Jan

We’re going to slow it on down this winter. Polar Vortexes and Ice Storms are no time for excessive drinking!

So we’ve settled on a plan.  Wine only this winter, and stay away from the bars.

But as the season goes on some of us become creative with our interpretations. Which begs the question,

Is it within the rules to drink a magnum to the face?

maaaaag-nuuuuum

maaaaag-nuuuuum

There are many more questions magnum consumption-related behaviour calls to the fore, to which answers may remain ever elusive.  How do *I* keep ending up in the hospital when other people can’t even keep their shoes on their feet while they’re walking? Is there anything *actually* inappropriate about drinking in public? Is it okay to swear at crying babies if they’re messing up your buzz?  

Whuteverrr …

The Wackest Equine

17 Jan

In honor of my freshly booked upcoming trip to New Orleans for Mardis Gras I wanted to once again discuss the horses of the New Orleans PD.

Once I posted about the trillest equine – the one who casually dips into strip joints while on duty.

Well there are also some haters among those ranks.  This police officer is also displaying extremely wack behaviour.  Trying to hit unsuspecting innocent tourists?  NOT TRILL.

Image

haters everywhere I go

What is it with horses man? Maybe they saw me engaging in some pretty wack behaviour of my own?

Image

also un-trill behaviour

***For the record my days of jumping into cop cars were LONG ago and are very far behind me.  I’m like a responsible professional now who fears and respects the law.  ***

So off to New Orleans I go, hopefully for more spirited encounters with my zany equine acquaintances!  Stay tuned …

Movements Beyond Pixels

17 Jan
Pixellated Moments, Movements Beyond

started from the top now we made it to the bottom

Moments are captured and then things change.

A turn of events can happen any time.

One person pictured, who will remain unnamed but may or may not be wearing some sassy spikes, proceeded change her entire perspective. Literally.

As in, she wanted to get a different viewpoint.  Like maybe a real close look at the pavement.

As in, she put in a good fight but in the end lost to the cobblestones.

As in, the slowest and most graceful faceplant yours truly has ever had the privilege to witness – and I’ve seen a few.

Faceplants will forever be held to a higher standard thanks to my remarkable friends.

U-NeighhhH!

Broken Leg Memoirs, Ctd.

3 Jan

Hi everyone (ie. Ellen)

Where have we been you may wonder.  Or since probably it’s just Ellen, where have *I* been?  Or maybe no one wonders at all.  whateverrr.  I’ve been recovering from my broken leg.  By recovering, I mean drinking heavily and eating a lot.  HAPPY HOLIDAYS!?

I think I had a breakthrough with my leg yesterday when I allowed my physiotherapist to do acupuncture which sort of freaks me out and I don’t love needles but it was very chill.  And suddenly today, I have best range of motion yet by FAR, and can balance on my right leg on a Bosu ball for the first time. Also during that session I did circuit, bike, thera bands, deep tissue massage, those electrode things (which I was going to call ECT but that had a weird ring then I googled it and yeah, duh), heat, and ultrasound.  So they’re like throwing everything but the kitchen sink.  which is awesome!  Something’s working!

where i've been - walking around in ice storms

where i’ve been – walking around in ice storms

I’m not sure where I’m going with any of this.  Ellen will you draw me some pics and maybe this will all make sense?

Well I guess I should say that it’s been 3.5 weeks since I got the cast off from a broken right fibula, and I was limping a lot up til today.  I had a really bad ‘pinch’ in the front of my ankle – meaning I couldn’t bend my toes up because it was all tight in my ankle.  That might not seem long enough to be complaining about but I was in the cast for 6 weeks and I am *not* into sitting around on my ass all day, and it’s the middle of hockey season now, so there is a great deal of urgency.

Recovery for a broken leg seems to vary wildly across the board.  Like freakin Steven Stamkos was like WALKING like WITHOUT A CAST 2 weeks after he broke his tibia.  WTF?  (I hate that I love you bro – Sochi 2014!)

steven showing us what he can do with balls

sexy steven showing us what he can do with balls

And then other bloggers out there say it’s been a year or more and they’re still not back to normal.  I was told I ‘could’ play sports (ie. my bone would allow, not necessarily the rest of my body – muscles, ligaments etc) 6 weeks after the cast came off.  So I’m feeling pretty determined to make that happen and I’m actually ahead of schedule as I’ve just been cleared to play shinny.

I think it may have been the acupuncture.  But then based on the internet the jury is VERY much still out on that front.  There’s been strong evidence that it does nothing, actually nothing, compared to a placebo. Buuuuut, what if I believe in the Hindu Chakras and have a wacky thought that maybe acupuncture functions within those systems?   Because if that were the case then I suppose no matter what was done physically to my leg, as long as I had that personal wacky thought that it was tapping into that energy flow, would have worked because of my belief in chakras & meditation and not the needles themselves?  So maybe in that study they really should have asked everyone how they feel about Hindu energy beliefs. Uhhh sorry.. Now I really don’t know where I’m going with this.  Right.  Healing the leg.

yo guy your root chakra's hurtinggg

yo guy your root chakra’s hurtinggg

But the acupuncture was the only thing I did differently.  I also think excessive holiday boozing really was detrimental.  If it’s about reducing inflammation, well we all know what alcohol DOESN’T do (reduce inflammation, in case you actually didn’t know).  So these past few days booze-free have felt amazing.

So I’ll keep it going with the limited booze and the acupuncture and see how it goes.  Here’s to intact bones, Steven Stamkos, and a healthier 2014!!