an ode to everyone’s favourite doorman:
the sober witness
precise, attentive, passionate,
yet shockingly poor drunk-dar
armed with an endless flow of water bottles
a water bottle and a warning
to the soberest of the bunch
while her friend blacks out
and vomits, ever discreetly
it’s just a bit of drugs
why so offended?
“i don’t even want to give him water!”
but what good are you, what good are any of us
if your water bottles run dry?
“I napped all night”
…Wildcards don’t sleep bro.
Always one eye open, ready to get reckless.
(Just try not to fall on your head anymore, it scares me a little.)
scaring kids since ’88
Well gosh darn. Here we are a month out from the last post. I have a pretty good excuse – I spent a week of that month partaking in dubious Mardis Gras related activities in New Orleans, including getting dangerously close to getting my feet run over by large slow moving vehicles (some of us never learn) while begging for ‘throws,’ accepting rides from a strangers of questionable sobriety, roaming the streets of the french quarter in the early morning with a granny cart full of beer, and watching marathons of True Detective alone at 4am.
bitch you don’t know my life
Ellen’s excuse is something lame like school or whateverrr.
Oh ya, we’ve also been really busy wearing animal onesies. It takes a lot of time and commitment to harness the energy invoked when donning this fine piece of attire. We’ll get back to you when our arduous work in this regard is done. Til then… work yo back!
So Carellyn has no sisters by birth… we got bros. Bro.
But for all intensive purposes we are blessed to have FOUR sisters! They ie. the 4 Jinjes are all real sisters so we just slip into that pack discreetly. They don’t have anyone born in ’85 anyway so I guess we can’t be completely ruled out as the real deal… though the asian/white/black differentials do speak strongly in protest. IN ANY CASE! From here on out the sisterhood shall be referred to as Carellynje.
jinjes everywhere i go
One of Carellynje is getting married tomorrow! Tomorrow!!!! So today the gang went for some minor pampering in the form of manicures.
Ellen and I did some gluten-free baking last night so we could bring some goodies to the session. We baked Apple Muffins using Rice Flour and gluten-free brownies from a recipe on the internet that never actually set even though we cooked them for a good 15 minutes over time. The moral of the story is that nothing that makes your body function properly is easy to make or tastes good.
After the pamper sesh we set out to find elements of our wedding outfits, because it was only the day before. On the way we saw these two shops which really affirmed that our quest was true.
c squared and elle hard on the grind
I was in need of a dress and basically everything and Ellen was in need of shoes. Window shopping on Queen St. was fairly unsuccessful until we fought our intense hunger which was borderline hanger and trekked on to French Connection, an establishment which neither of us have ventured toward since high school. Which is an embarrassingly long time ago. Speaking further to the importance of this quest, I found the following item…
neigh neigh (look closely)
LOOK CLOSELY. and welcome to the year, of the horse, bitch.
prints of dreams
I have been waiting for this year for a while now and my impatience has been clearly manifest (Ellen’s too). Destiny is upon us!
We’re going to slow it on down this winter. Polar Vortexes and Ice Storms are no time for excessive drinking!
So we’ve settled on a plan. Wine only this winter, and stay away from the bars.
But as the season goes on some of us become creative with our interpretations. Which begs the question,
Is it within the rules to drink a magnum to the face?
There are many more questions magnum consumption-related behaviour calls to the fore, to which answers may remain ever elusive. How do *I* keep ending up in the hospital when other people can’t even keep their shoes on their feet while they’re walking? Is there anything *actually* inappropriate about drinking in public? Is it okay to swear at crying babies if they’re messing up your buzz?
In honor of my freshly booked upcoming trip to New Orleans for Mardis Gras I wanted to once again discuss the horses of the New Orleans PD.
Once I posted about the trillest equine – the one who casually dips into strip joints while on duty.
Well there are also some haters among those ranks. This police officer is also displaying extremely wack behaviour. Trying to hit unsuspecting innocent tourists? NOT TRILL.
haters everywhere I go
What is it with horses man? Maybe they saw me engaging in some pretty wack behaviour of my own?
also un-trill behaviour
***For the record my days of jumping into cop cars were LONG ago and are very far behind me. I’m like a responsible professional now who fears and respects the law. ***
So off to New Orleans I go, hopefully for more spirited encounters with my zany equine acquaintances! Stay tuned …
started from the top now we made it to the bottom
Moments are captured and then things change.
A turn of events can happen any time.
One person pictured, who will remain unnamed but may or may not be wearing some sassy spikes, proceeded change her entire perspective. Literally.
As in, she wanted to get a different viewpoint. Like maybe a real close look at the pavement.
As in, she put in a good fight but in the end lost to the cobblestones.
As in, the slowest and most graceful faceplant yours truly has ever had the privilege to witness – and I’ve seen a few.
Faceplants will forever be held to a higher standard thanks to my remarkable friends.