Archive | December, 2013

Memoirs of a Broken Leg

9 Dec
all gold everything

all gold everything

I’m getting my cast off TOMORROW!!!! Here are some reflections on my trials and tribulations.

The Story: I broke my leg on October 25 during a hockey game.  Spiral Fracture of the Fibula.  Although I very clearly heard/felt a snap and can say with certainty that no leg should bend the way mine bent I was also in denial about the situation and almost didn’t go to the hospital.  It was also a Friday night and living in an urban centre I reallllly didn’t want to go to an ER for fear that it would be full of drunk shitshows.  I was correct in having that fear.  Hammered Bros were in abundance.

After 4 frustrating hours (I frequently reminded myself that at least I don’t have to pay for this, even though I do have benefits but if I didn’t ….) I was pretty unkind to the ER Doctor who told me it was broken, and in my pain & exhaustion-induced delirium sort of considered launching a formal complaint against her.  I think that maybe shooting the messenger is in some cases actually very satisfying?  Obviously there was no follow up around that.

What I’m looking forward to:

  • Not wearing leggings every single day… omg. Pantssssssssss! I never knew the prospect of PANTS could be so exciting
  • Wearing shoes on both feet because I am disproportionately damaging all my left boots hopping around in this hateful slush and salt
  • No longer struggling with the daily angst that comes with feeling that my toe sock is totes hobo looking
  • Not having to put a bag on my leg in the shower and also no longer feeling like every shower is a real risk of slipping and seriously compromising what cranial integrity still exists in this highly abused noggin
  • Not having to explain to everyone I see/meet how I broke my leg and then having them tell me “at least it’s a cool story!” …it’s not.
  • Being able to drink obscene amounts of coffee once again without fear of judgment (I have severely decreased my intake because I have to ask people to get it for me and at a point it gets embarrassing, like that I need to drink coffee beyond the XL I get each morning [which is on top of the one I drink at home before I leave which no one even knows about], especially at work where everyone else drinks tea and actually, seriously, some people drink chamomile all day…)
  • Oh uh this goes without saying and there’s no punchline but FUCKING WALKING
  • Also, playing sports and riding my bike! ughhhhhh fantasies

In conclusion having a broken leg is balls and I can’t wait to get this lumbering hunk of crap off my leg.  I’ve been a bit anxious and distracted all day just thinking about it.  I’m going to post a song, which I’m not sure has anything to do with my leg except that I find it immensely calming and cool to listen to when taking painkillers – it’s like drifting off into a whole other realm of bliss,

This tune of mind-bending beauty will send me off into a deep and healing sleep soon and then it’s just hours til the cast gets sawed off.  WATCH YO-SELF RIGHT FOOT SHOES, HERE I COME!

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